since 1th march till 5th june.i've been stuck in my relationship.well here's the story goes.
long story short.i fall in love with this woman that u all already know.but in mid march maybe.she's further her study at CUCMS which is about medic mostly.ya she doing foundation right now.after she go there,she had been change to something that i dun like it the most.i mean something not something bad but something like diffrent from i know her before.i can understand she doing her foundation and lil busy or too busy...everything..i just can understand..but not feeling it..now i admit i keep pushing her to treat me to make me happy sometimes to everything to me....i ADMIT !! ya i ADDDDMIIITTTTT
and things happens..and lately she tell me to go away..urm not to go away but she tell me to stop our relationship for awhile..i dun know untill when but i've to wait..untill she found somebody better than me ? maybe...another quarrel,end up with im losing and she keeps telling me to go away..the next day,she acts like nothing happens..and this keeps going untill i dun know when.i really dun know whennnn bila masa nya nk berhenti dan sgalanya selesai.i'm tired to lost control (depression),i'm really tired to make my body move it self or scream like i never scream before.
now,i fucking dun know what to do,i just act like normal infact i'm not.that day u just make me like shit trash.you said if u wanna text me,u will text me but if u dun want,u will not.what am i ? a doll ? or a friend of you ? do u treat me like your friend before this ? do u feel like i'm just your friend ? playing with my heart.give me some hope that i always hope.you just play with my heart.is this just about charma ? or maybe i'm the only one who always had a bad situation as u know.
dammnit.im loving u right now but u tell me to go away after all effort i gave in just to let my heart open? i deserve better..u only think about urself.and how bout mine? .what am i? A DOLL?
do you know i almost kill my self just because you.i damn fucking love you.i'm 18 now,and i think i already matured to think about this in serious.this is not cinta monyet like you ever know before this.i'm not the one who want keep adding more "couple" after i clash with someone.i think you are the last one.i dun know whether u take serious about our relationship or not.i cant really read your mind.just you.i really2 cant read your mind cant read what will happen next.what is your planning.what will you do to me.what what what what and whatttt.
life's so hard man..i never.ever.everrrr scolded u in any way.the same with having/starting a quarrel with u in any way.i keep on my temper inside.i know you're busy.YES I AM AWARE.duh..sakiiiiit sangat dalam hati.ntah pada sapa or pada apa aku nak lepaskan..
im lost..this is just a part of my heart.my heart already crack to many part.you'll understand soon.i hope so.losing you is not the best part of my life.i'm tired to ask you toooooo many question.why dun u ask me ? ask me about my heart.my soul.my evertyhing.u never ask me.u never askk what i like or not.u never ask me bout my feeling bout everythingg..u neverr babe.i'm really lost.you know "LOST".lostttt !
i hope ur reading this..i hope somebody read this.and help me..recover myself..once again i say,i'm lost.
2 comments:
I know i have changed a lot. I AM SORRY. Saya pun tak tau lah kenapa dengan diri saya ni. Kenapa hati boleh berubah macam ni. I love you tapi. Hah, itu lah. Tak paham kenapa ade tapi lepas tu. I love you TAPI, saya sayang awak TAPI.. tapi apa pun saya tak tau lah. Saya perlukan masa mungkin. Mungkin ni bukan masa sesuai untuk berdua. I mean macam untuk saya bersama awak, tak kisah la bersama sapa sapa pun memang tak nak. Sekarang saya tak tau awak akan tunggu saya lagi ke tak. serious tak tau. Kalau rasa sayang kat saya dah kurang, jujur saya cakap, saya gembira dengar. I dont want you to wait. But in the same time, i really want you to. Saya tahu awak tertekan, sakit, perit pedih sebab apa yang saya buat. Tapi tapi, saya tak tau. Awak boleh pergi. Awak boleh tak tunggu saya. Walaupun saya nak awak tunggu. Saya takut awak tunggu lama sangat. Lepastu awak fed up semua. Saya tau awak sorang je yang boleh buat apa je untuk saya. Saya sekarang pun entah kenapa asyik nak marah. Padahal benda benda macam tu kalau awak buat dulu, saya tak pernah nak kisah pun. Saya ni betul kejam. Betul takde perasaan. Saya kesian kat awak tak tau kenapa saya macam ni. Serious saya tak tau. Kenapa hati saya sengaja nak jauhkan/hilangkan/lawan perasaan sayang kat awak. Sayang tapi nak marah. Kenapa hati saya macam ni?? Sebab kita dah tak jumpa kee? dah jauh kee? dah tak selalu spend masa sama sama ke? Saya tak tahu masalah saya sebenarnya.
Serious cakap, you deserve someone better than me. Jangan tutup hati awak untuk terima orang lain. I'll pray for you. I'll pray for us. Kalau ada, ada lah. Serious, ini bukan sebab lelaki lain apa apa apa apa. Mungkin sebab saya nak focus untuk one thing sekarang. MY STUDIES. ee mesti muak kan dengar saya cakap nak belajar semua. Aaa. I dont know what is the hell going on with me. Im so sorry. I dont wanna see you suffering like this. But I cant make you happy. Im sorry. It just that maybe Im not the on for you. Maybe. Must be good for you. You'll get someone better. Trust me, i know. Please move on...without me. Can you?
But somehow, i still need you in my days. Ya ALLAH, dah tak tau dah macam mana. Dah macam keling dah owg cakap. IDK IDK IDK seriously tak tau tak paham dengan diri sendiri. Im sorry.
ily :'(
i need u as u need me.
no matter how hard it is.
i'll try to get through of this.
ilyt babe.
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